A Late User: The "Unimaginable" Possibility of Living Independent and Free of Social Media
For young people today, social media appears as an absolute necessity. A norm that is unquestioned. Everyone has a mobile phone. Everyone is on social media. So, is it possible to live in the mainstream of society without social media? How about without a phone? It might be surprising that it is possible. In my case, I do not have access to social media on my phone, but that does not mean I cannot productively use social media. For example, my computer is the only entry into the sphere of online communication and staying up-to-date with information and people. However, this restriction requires reforms in my daily routine. Since I am unable to promptly respond to a friend or colleague, I must utilize new strategies to be able to meet and stay in touch with the people in my life.
From 2008 to 2016 the rise of social media use by highschoolers in the US rose from about 50% to 80%. Today, the number is over 90%. These trends in the US show how social media has become a normal aspect of reality for young people. To adolescents and teenagers it seems that everyone has a phone and a social media profile. So, they may never consider the possibility of living without social media. The “norm” says, “in order to have friends you need to be on social media.” And if you do not, then you banish yourself from the social sphere. Is it even possible to still be active in social circles while restricting your social media use?
I was born the same year Facebook was released. In my childhood, I saw how social media quickly became popular. Many of my elementary school classmates started using social media to meet up and play video games. By the end of middle school, almost everyone had a phone and used it as the main method of communication. It also posed an immense distraction in class. Our teacher used to jokingly say “what is so interesting on instasnaps” when someone would be under their desk checking their Instagram or Snapchat. Luckily, I was shielded from electronic devices by my parents, and especially my mother. Also, since my brother and two other friends did not have phones, I survived the peer pressure to get a phone and social media. My first electronic device was a personal computer. I received it at the end of middle school when COVID hit, which partly allowed my craving for “fitting in” to subside. During this time, I fell hard. I spent more than five hours per day on YouTube and browsing the internet. When my mother took my computer away, I found ways to sneak back onto it. I played free online video games and explored the depths of the digital world. In this mess, I became a high school freshman.
The most crucial point in my life that pushed me out of the norm was in high school. By then, it seemed like every single person had a phone. All my classmates were in group chats, they all friended each other on Instagram and Snapchat, and most of the gossip happened online. As I had to drive my siblings around, my parents allowed my brother and I to share a flipphone, saying it was “in case of emergencies only.” The shared device posed no distractions as it was only for calling and texting. However, throughout high school I struggled with YouTube, often procrastinating on school work because of my addiction. I was not the only one. My brother and classmates all shared the same dependence on YouTube as I did. However, the one thing that set my brother and me apart, was the fact we did not have any social media profiles. Honestly, I never considered creating an account on Snapchat or Instagram because my brother and me did not see a need in staying in contact with our peers. Towards the end of high school, the only way we communicated with friends was by email or text. Personal messages, like with my girlfriend, were mainly through email. Although limiting and unconventional, I did not see a need to start using social media to communicate within my social groups. I graduated high school without owning a personal smartphone or using social media.
Since then, I began to side with my parents’ views of not using social media or smartphones. My philosophy became radically anti-phone. With this mindset I started university. The first week was hard, as I was asked by new people for my social media handle. Because of the seemingly inevitable need to network, I decided to set up my first social media account. On my computer I created a Facebook account—exactly twenty years after its release. The new college environment also gave me room to address my addiction to YouTube. By the end of the first semester, due to being active in many extracurriculars, I did not have time to watch YouTube. My days became full of meeting people, going to classes, and volunteering; so when I got home I only had time to check my emails and Facebook messages before planning out the next day and going to sleep.
Today, I communicate with my friends, classmates, and professors only through my computer. I usually check my device twice a day, in the morning and evening. Sometimes I take my laptop with me and find internet access at cafes or school. Last year I purchased a mobile phone without a number that I exclusively use for offline notetaking apps. I consider both of my devices as tools. My friends have come to accept my restrictions and know that I prefer to meet in-person than chat for endless hours on social media. The fact that I actively use Facebook on my computer, rather than having a phone in my pocket, acts as an extra obstacle to log in and access my social media account. However, these restrictions also pose some technical issues. For example, how do I meet up with my friends when they cannot reach me during the day? Quite simply, as all humans before us did, by establishing a specific time and place where to meet and trusting the other person will show up. When my friends want to meet me, they know that they have to “schedule” it a day before. I either memorize my daily schedule or carry a planner with me, and check all of the logistics in the morning. Although more structured and rigid, the freedom from having a continuous distraction in your pocket is a blessing.
Although my lifestyle has been influenced by my childhood, it still takes diligent upkeep to maintain it. I do not live an alternative lifestyle, but simply a more balanced one. By limiting my exposure to social media and digital technology throughout my day, I define my relationship with these tools in a way where I remain in control. As a full-time university student I have to use social media to communicate with people. But the way I use social media has given me more freedom and strength to keep living this lifestyle. The point is not to retreat from society, but to open new possibilities that otherwise would be lost to scrolling or consuming social media content. For those battling with social media addiction, this personal approach to social media highlights that, although challenging, it is completely possible to live independent of it. If I can graduate high school, navigate university, and maintain real friendships without a phone in my pocket, the question worth asking isn’t whether it’s possible — it’s whether you’re willing to try.
Daniel M. Radu grew up in the USA, but has since moved continents and currently studies Sociology and Social Anthropology in Slovakia. He personally has a great aversion to social media (and electronic devices), but he is seeking to find a balanced relationship with these digital tools, while also researching their broader social detriments and influences.
This is such a well-written article! I love how your parents safeguarded you (similar with my parents - I got my first phone at age 16) and how, even though you struggled setting limitations in high school, you have been able to rise above and create boundaries for yourself. Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring each of us to reflect on our relationships with devices and social media.